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pandering, and a thoroughly manipulative person. Not cool.
With careful aim, the Killer Compliment captures everyone. It works
best, however, when you use it judiciously on new acquaintances. If you
want to praise friends every day, employ the next technique.
How to Make Em Smile with Itty-Bitty Boosters
In contrast to the big guns of Killer Compliments for strangers, and
The Tombstone Game for loved ones, which we will learn shortly, heres a
little peashooter you can pop off at anyone, antime. I call it Little
Strokes.
Little Strokes are short, quick kudos you drop into your casual
conversation. Make liberal use of Little Strokes with your coleagues in
the office:
Nice job, John! Well done, Kyoto! Hey, not bad, Billy! I have one
friend who uses a lovely Little Stroke. If I do something he likes, he says,
Not too shabby, Leil. You can also use Little Strokes on the everyday
achievements
of your loved ones. If your spouse just cooked a great meal, Wow,
youre the best chef in town. Just before going out together, Gee, honey,
you look great. After a long drive, You did it! It must have been tiring.
With your kids, Hey, gang, great job cleaning up your room.
I once read a poignant Readers Digest article about a little girl who
often misbehaved. Her mother had to continually reprimand her.
However, one day, the little girl had been especially good and
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How to Make Em Smile with Itty-Bitty Boosters 215
hadnt done a single thing that called for a reprimand. The mother
said, That night after I tucked her in bed and started downstairs, I heard a
muffled noise. Running back up, I found her head buried in the pillow.
She was sobbing. Between the sobs she asked, Mommy, havent I been a
pretty good girl today?
The question, the mother said, went through her like a knife. I had
been quick to correct her, she said, when she was wrong. But when she
tried to behave, I hadnt noticed it and I put her to bed without one word of
appreciation.
Adults are all grown-up little girls and little boys. We may not go to
bed sobbing if the people in our lives dont notice when we are good.
Nevertheless, a trace of those tears lingers.
Little Things Mean a Lot
Little Strokes are indeed, little. But as every woman knows, they
mean a lot. Ive yet to meet a woman who wouldnt agree with these lyrics
from an old song sung by Kitty Kallen:
Blow me a kiss from across the room. Say I look nice when Im not.
Touch my hair as you pass my chair.
Technique #56
Little Strokes
Dont make your colleagues, your friends, your loved ones look at you
and silently say, Havent I been pretty good today? Let them know how
much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes
like Nice job! Well done! Cool!
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How to Talk to Anyone
Little things mean a lot. Send me the warmth of a secret smile To
show me you havent forgot. For always and ever, now and forever, Little
things mean a lot.
To further complicate the art of the compliment, one must consider
timing. Blatant, barefaced, brazen flattery turns all but the blindest
egomaniacs off. But the human animal never fails to amaze observers.
There are moments when, if you dont give a bltant, barefaced, brazen
complimenteven to a bright indiviualyou lose. The following technique
defines those moments.
How to Praise with Perfect Timing
Ill never forget the first time I gave a luncheon speech in front of
strangers. Id practiced for the stuffed animals on my bed and my
roommate, Christine, but this was my debut in front of a real audience.
As I shakily got to my feet, I looked out at seventeen smiling
Rotarians waiting for my words of wit and wisdom. My tongue was dry as
chalk dust, my palms as wet as a fish. The audience might as well have
been seventeen thousand judges waiting to setence me to eternal
humiliation if I didnt inform and entertain each. I gave a last panic-
stricken glance at Christine, who had driven me to the club, and began,
Good afternoon. It gives me great pleasure . . .
Thirty minutes later, amidst scattered applause which I feared was
obligatory, I crawled back to my seat next to Christine. I looked
expectantly at her. She smiled and said, You know this dessert isnt bad.
Have some.
Dessert? Dessert! Dammit, Christine, how did I do? I silently
screamed at her. A few minutes later Christine told me how much she
and, she assumed, everyone else enjoyed my talk. Neertheless, by then it
was too late. The crucial compliment-craving moment had passed.
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Quick as a Hiccup, You Must Compliment NOW
When the doctor sadistically smacks your knee with that nasty litle
rubber hammer, you instantly give a knee jerk. And when peple make a
coup, you must instantly hit them with a knee-jerk Wow, you were great!
Say theyve just successfully negotiated a deal, cooked a terific
Thanksgiving turkey, or sung a solo song at the birthday party. No matter
whether their accomplishment is trivial or triumphant, you must praise it
immediatelynot ten minutes later, not two minutes laterimmediately. The
moment the winner walks out of the boardroom, the kitchen, the
spotlight, the victor wants to hear only one sound: WOW!
But What If They Really Bombed?
Are you asking me to lie? you ask. Yes. Absolutely, positively,
resoundingly, YES. This is one of the few moments in life where a lie is
condoned by the most ethical individuals. Big winners reaize that
sensitivity to an insecure performers ego takes mometary precedence
over their deep commitment to the truth. They
Technique #57
The Knee-Jerk Wow!
Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a
feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, You were terrific!
Dont worry that they wont believe you. The euphoria of the moment
has a strangely numbing effect on the achievers objective judgment.
How to Praise with Perfect Timing 219
also know, when sanity returns to the recipient and they suspect they
screwed up, it wont matter. He or she will retroactively apprciate your
sensitivity and forgive your compassionate falsehood.
Weve talked a lot about giving compliments, both covert and overt.
Now lets talk about a skill that, for many, is even harder receiving them.
How to Make Em Want to Compliment You
We have a national weakness: we dont know how to receive a
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