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The small clipping of a police report was dated eleven years earlier.
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ALONE IN A CROWD Carol Lynne
66
Ryan s breath froze in his chest. He couldn t believe what he was holding. You tried to
kill yourself?
Ben nodded. Like father like son. He opened the box he held in his lap and pulled out
a solitary item, an object Ryan was familiar with. This is the bullet my dad shot through his
head when I was thirteen. He pointed to the cave wall behind Ryan. It was after a terrible
beating. I thought he d passed out, so I curled up and went to sleep, hoping things would be
better the next day.
Ben shook his head as if shaking off unwanted memories. He sat there, with me asleep
right here, put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. He held up the misshapen slug. I
dug this out of the wall when I realised he hadn t prepared a box.
Ryan had seen his share of dead men in his life, but he couldn t imagine how the mind
of a thirteen-year-old could handle something like that. What d you do, did you have
someone you could go to?
No. It was just the two of us. I knew if I went for help they would take me away.
There was something about the way his dad said it that turned Ryan s stomach. What
did you do, dad?
I hid him. Ben glanced towards a small opening at the back of the cave. The smell
was overwhelming for a time, but it eventually faded.
The proclamation made Ryan s stomach roil. His eyes started to burn as the pain of his
own childhood was held up against the torment of his father s. If you knew what it was like
to live with someone who beat you, why would you do it to your own son?
As much as I wish otherwise, we both know you re not my son.
So that gave you the right to hit me? I was a little boy, for fuck sake! Ryan shouted,
his voice echoing within the cave s depths. He briefly wondered if the vibrations had shifted
his grandfather s bones, before he returned his attention to his dad.
And I was completely out of my mind, Ben whispered in return. Still am. He lay
down on the dusty blankets. This is where I deserve to be. This is where I ll stay. You can
go.
I m not leaving you here to die, Ryan protested.
Of course you wouldn t. Ben chuckled. Because my blood doesn t run through your
veins.
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ALONE IN A CROWD Carol Lynne
67
Left with little choice, Ryan began to carry his dad back to the car, berating him the
entire way as thunder sounded in the distance. I can t fucking believe you d put me in this
position.
I didn t put you in anything. If you hate me as much as you think you do, you d have
left me to die, Ben argued.
Shut up or I ll carry your ass back up there. Ryan had no fucking idea what the hell
he was doing. Should he just drop his dad off at the nursing home, or had they turned some
kind of strange, fucked up corner in their relationship?
With each carefully placed step, the pain Ryan had endured as a kid seemed to fade
into the background. His dad was right, he wasn t a true Blackfeather, but he d been raised
like one. The difference between them being he d risen above his name and his father had
lived up to it.
Unlike his father, Ryan didn t believe in the box being a man s way to get into heaven.
You know, Dad, if you want to make things right, do it before you die.
Ben remained quiet until they reached the car and Ryan had him safely settled inside.
How can I possibly erase what I ve done to you?
You can t. No one can undo the past, that s why it s called the past. But, you can rise
above, and that s exactly what I ve done. I want to take you back to Cattle Valley with me, so
you can see for yourself that I m worthy of love and respect. Ryan stepped back and shut
the passenger door before his dad could answer. He d had no intention of inviting his father
into his home, so why had he just issued the invitation?
Shit! He kicked at the dirt. It wasn t Nate and Rio he worried about, his partners
would be as kind and understanding as they always were, but did he want to take the chance
of opening his private life to his dad?
Decision made, Ryan opened the driver s door and got behind the wheel. If you
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