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Jane, we hardly know about anything, I pointed out. There s tons out there. But it doesn t effect
us. Or we don t realize it does. This one thing happened to touch home, just for a minute, but it
doesn t change anything else.
It changes everything! Jane insisted dramatically, and I couldn t help but agree with her.
This is exactly why they had suggested I not tell people about vampires. It was too hard for a
person to take. It completely distorts the perception of reality. When things that are so clearly
fiction became fact, it changes everything. How could I expect to her pretend none of this
happened? From my own experience, I knew it was an impossibility.
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I don t know what to tell you, I told her simply. I knew exactly how she felt, but I didn t have the
answers for her.
So you re no help? Jane smiled wryly, then flicked her cigarette into the sink next to mine. I
should ve excepted that from you. She went over to her backpack and pulled out her ample
makeup bag and went over to the mirror next to me.
What is that supposed to mean? I demanded.
You just take your lot in life, no matter what it is. Jane rummaged through her bag and pulled
out something to blot the makeup that had smeared around her eyes when she started to tear up.
You don t know how to fight for anything you want.
I don t think that s true, I replied, but her words stung more than they should.
Really? Jane s reflection smiled at me sardonically as she reapplied eyeliner. If you really
believe that, then how come you re sitting here, still human, going to high school? Cause you ve
got to be dying to be a vampire. I know I would be, even if my brother and my boyfriend weren t
vampires. When she finished her eyes, she caught my expression in the mirror and laughed
darkly. That s what I thought.
It s so much more complicated than that. But my words sounded unconvincing, even to me.
I m sure it is. She put on another coat of lip gloss and turned to me. I m gonna go to class. And
we can just pretend we never even had this little talk, since that s how you want to play this.
I m not playing anything!
Good job, Jane winked at me.
She sauntered out of the bathroom, swinging her book bag over her back as she left. Her runway
walk was already back in full strut, and I just gaped after her. It was as if there was a switch inside
her where she could momentarily express real emotions, and then just flick them off when it
became inconvenient. She d been frightened and almost crying, and boom! She fixed her make
up, belittled me, and walked off into the sunset.
I leaned back, resting my head against the mirror, and tried to find fault with what she said. I
fought for what I wanted. Repeatedly, I had tried to convince Ezra that it was a good idea that I
turned now instead of later. Sure, I never really told Jack how I felt, but I still hadn t gotten
everything with him straightened out. All I was doing was the making the best of a messed up
situation. That wasn t the same as just letting life happen to me.
Walking the block and a half from school to my apartment left me so exhausted, I had to sit down
on the front steps and take a break. Not to mention the entire day of walking around the school,
and I ended up sleeping a lot in class. During lunch, I d gone to the nurses offices and laid down
on a cot to get some sleep.
Eventually, I was able to get up and ride the elevator upstairs, but I collapsed on the couch as
soon as I got in and passed out.
Milo text messaged me to make sure I was okay, but I only vaguely remember answering it, and
then I was out again. I barely managed to wake up for school the next day, but I took twice the
vitamins Mae told me to take. When they bus dropped me off at school, I ran across the street to
the gas station and bought like five Red Bulls. I was gonna fight this tired thing if it killed me.
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Surprisingly, by the end of the day, I was actually feeling pretty good. Jane had avoided me the
entire day, but I decided that it was better that way. She needed to extradite herself from this life
before she got hurt.
As expressed by the slow way in which I meandered about the halls, and this was me feeling
better. I made it through the second day of my senior year, though, so I thought that counted for
something.
It wasn t until I got home and sat on the couch, sipping on my sixth Red Bull of the day, as I had
made a pit stop at the gas station again before going home. Milo had texted me twice yesterday,
once asking how I was feeling and the second expressing his relief that I was doing okay. He had
not invited me over. Jack had not called or text messaged me. In fact, since he d bitten me, Jack
hadn t really spoken to me at all. There was that conversation when I was half-asleep, but he just
kept repeating that I needed to wake up and go downstairs, and that was it. It wasn t the same as
really talking about things. We had shared something immensely intimate, and he was just
blowing me off. It was kind of startling how typical a guy he was sometimes.
Admittedly, he was legitimately freaked out by everything. Not because of how close he d felt to
me, but because it meant that we were both in serious danger. But we were already in danger.
Avoiding me now couldn t take it back or make me any safer in the future. He wasn t protecting
me or preventing anything from happening. Our best bet was simply to keep away from Peter for
the rest of eternity, and Ezra was on top of that. I don t know why that meant I couldn t be around
Jack.
Unless&
When he was biting me, I could feel how much he cared about me, and it was rather
overwhelming. It felt amazing to feel how he felt about me and see the way he saw me, but
conversely, he could feel the way I felt. Maybe it wasn t good enough. Maybe he saw how little I
cared for him. Not that I didn t care for him that much, but there was no way I was even capable
of feeling the way he felt. I would suffocate under the emotion.
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